Wednesday, November 5, 2008

It's all my fault.

We caved. There is TV in our house for the first time in two years. I had to have it for election night. Even a one-eyed view of Barack is good Barack. But now there is all kinds of new stuff being said around here:

This is totally inappropriate for children my age - Henry (Keep in mind that when Henry speaks, he sounds like a New Yorker with a clothespin on his nose.)

NO TALKING DURING JON STEWART! -Ramsey

What is "kind-of a lesbian?" - Wyatt, who just doesn't get Grey's

The concensus on the migraine that won't go away is that it is all my fault. It seems the likely culprit is my brain. Not just the gross little veins, capilaries, retinas and other mush, but the part that takes on too much, then worries like mad. I didn't feel especially stressed out last week, but I was gearing up to start a new full time job, no longer had a car to commute with, I had lost my health insurance, the mortgage was my responsibility, I was coming off a long race and not getting much sleep. I was also eating crap, which while not at all unusual for me, is additional stress on the body. I did this to myself.

I still cannot see correctly, or drive a car, and in the past 5 days I have ingested fiorecet, toradol, maxalt, imitrex, advil, aleve, magnesium, relpax, aspirin and whatever was in the drip bags at the hospital. I especially like the fiorecet. Come back, my old anonymous commenter, this is your moment to shine! If you call me a doper again, I promise I won't call you an uninformed ass this time.

For now, I am trying my best to chill. And type with my eyes closed. I'm not going to Silverman. Which means no Dawn and Ira, no Amanda L, no marathon, no Memphis & Luke, no Courtenay, and no Madonna. I am so disappointed. To be honest, I am so, so scared that I will never see correctly again. This vision thing that comes with a migraine has always been my biggest fear. Strap a cage on my head and put in the rats, it's all very Orwell. This weekend will be spent quietly, alone, with plenty of time at the beach, relaxing my way back to healthy, telling myself that it will not last forever.

35 comments:

  1. Feel better! Sorry about Silverman, but glad you are taking care of your health!

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  2. Oh man, I hope you're feeling better. I know this doesn't help your pain at all, but I was just reading that women who suffer with migraines are less likely to have breast cancer.
    http://www.reuters.com/article/scienceNews/idUSTRE4A518L20081106
    Get well soon! :)

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  3. oh god, don't joke about that rat cage thing, that was liek by biggest fear after reading that book.

    tv is good for kids

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  4. Ah the tv won't due harm on the kids, things like Discovery and History and OLN will inspire them. Discovery always reminds me of Epcot Centre at WDW. That sort of relaxed learning and their telling you a story!!!
    No marathon, friends and Madonna - so sorry to hear that but your health is much more important!!!
    Enjoy your time at the beach!
    Cheers!!!

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  5. It's hard to look past the immediate for the long term. I still have the head spins, although not the same as not being able to see, it is scary and keeps me from being able to do any kind of workouts.

    It's hard, hard, hard to be patient.

    I'm sucking at it and praying you're having more patience and more internal 'peace' about it than me.

    Long term health and sanity is the only way!

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  6. it. will. not. last.

    i am 100% certain.

    : ) cat.

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  7. Crapola! Rachel I am so sorry... bummer... never a break for you...

    I hope your "better days" come sooner than later for you!

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  8. We just brought a TV into our TVless home, too.
    Take care of yourself, and be sure not to watch FOX news or you'll find yourself with another migraine.

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  9. Marathons are dumb anyways. You're better off :P

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  10. I'm so sorry about the no marathon or madonna. I am hoping you are back to 100% really soon. A weekend on the beach sounds like the right kind of medicine, one you can pronounce with no bad side effects. Make sure you wear your sunscreen.

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  11. You will BE okay. Your vision will come back. But while I know this is impossible, you have to focus on other things and NOT stressing/worrying. Take your mind OFF how worried you are and focus on relaxing. :)

    I'm sending you all my best thoughts and hoping for the best, Rachel. This really really sucks and my heart goes out to you. :-/

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  12. Rest up, Relax, and focus on what's important, this tri stuff will always be there.

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  13. Maybe a marathon is just what would heal you. :)

    I'm so sorry Rachel.

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  14. We're indoctrinating Moana early- she listens to Jon Stewart while she's breastfeeding. And then she has to hold on for dear life while I bounce up and down from laughing so hard... I'm such a bad mom already.

    A relaxing weekend at the beach is just what you need. Lucky we live Hawaii so you can just cruise down without a lot of effort! :) Feel better soon!

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  15. Yikes. I can't believe it's still lingering. It WILL go away, though. That's for sure. You obviously kept the machine running while under a lot stress; the body is likely just demanding a break. My dad had a neurologic stress-related issue that he fully recovered from. Hang in there, girl. You'll get past this one.

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  16. It will get better. Soon I hope!

    My migraines are brought on by stress too. Sometimes I don't even realize that I am stressed until a migraine starts and I have to take a Maxalt to make it go away.

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  17. My buds also concurred that this sounds like stress. In a way that is good news. Did you read the story that Migraines lower your chance of breast Cancer?

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  18. Rach, I have been checking in to see how you are doing. I hope your vision is back soon & you are feeling 100% soon! I have been thinking of you!!

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  19. I am no medical person but I also agree with what you wrote and what Mary (train-this) wrote. My mother had a couple of bouts of mental illness usually during relatively major times of stress in her life (like after the birth of a child or when preparing for a big house move). She basically took on most of the family responsibilities throughout married life and was a perpetual worrier, while my father had good intentions but was generally too passive. It wasn't fun for me as a teenager to hear my mother talk nonsense or see her sedated. I am sure you will fully recover, but you will need to learn to pick up the warning signs of approaching stress a little before the blind spots come. Try to determine the things in life you should be responsible for and the things that should be the responsibilities of others, including the kids. Sorry to sound like an old grandma, but I wish someone had told me this nearly 20 years ago when I was really overstressed and my health suffered for it. I cannot comment on the cancer thing, but let's hope that none of us ever get it, migraines or not. Two or three hours of training a day should hopefully keep most problems away!

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  20. Oh - heal up fast! I'm keeping my fingers (and toes) crossed for you. It WILL get better. But I know how awful they feel - I had an allergic reaction to Immitrex one time in the hospital. THAT was awful. The beach and some really good R&R is just on the docket! Good vibes your way!

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  21. i hope that some much needed one eyed tv watching is giving you a bit of the break that you need! that just sucks :(. it will be interesting to see what the neurologist says. please tell me if s/he sticks a pin in your scalp and asks if you can feel it!

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  22. :(

    it won't last forever. i mean, does anything?

    and you are missing out on THE BEST hot 97.5 radio station. they have them all over the place but so far i think the vegas one is the best. i have already heard the new rihanna and TI song like 10 times!

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  23. How did you live without TV? Impressive. We keep talking about giving it up but then don't do it.

    There was a bit on the local news about how women who have migraines have a much reduced chance of getting breast cancer.http://health.yahoo.com/news/reuters/us_migraine_cancer.html

    So sorry about Vegas and Madonna but hopefully some time at the beach does the trick.

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  24. Yikes...I am so sorry and hope you are feeling more like your self soon. Poor thing, now I know why Dawn was trying to change my mind ;-)
    Tracy

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  25. Rachel-there's only one thing left to try. We need to hit the tequila again. me and you. Hard. Seriously, what the hell do you have to lose? I'll be there Friday. But go ahead, start without me.

    Hugs-
    P.

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  26. Hey Rach...I think I had a sympathy migraine for ya on Friday...it really knocked me for a loop. Hope you are feeling better.

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  27. I LOVE TV....since I work from home it is my friend during the day. LOVE IT.
    Ok, Santa (I am not kidding here) posted on my blog and asked me to post this on yours..fyi:

    Jen,
    sounds like you are fired up and ready to go!

    Could you please post this on Rachel Ross' blog? I had some tech-comm problems.

    post:

    "Only 46 days till christmas.
    Santa is coming.
    What would you like?"

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  28. Glad to hear that you are taking the time to de-stress. You have so much going on in your life, it is no wonder that your body told you it had enough. I hope you have a speedy recovery.

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  29. l1z4 - THANK YOU! I had these as a teenager, then after my first baby, and I have those same triggers.. but in time, it got to where even the triggers didn't cause them. I guess I'm back in it (on day 8 now, no relief, neurologist tomorrow). Thanks for all the additional information, a lot of that was new information to me! I'm sorry you live with this too.

    Thanks everyone for the kind comments, ideas, help, and well wishes.

    rr

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  30. Ugh, sorry you're still feeling crappy. Thinking good thoughts...

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  31. Ohhh, I hope you feel better soon!

    And, what is "kind-of a lesbian?" I might be "kind-of a lesbian..."

    ;)

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  32. cool! Glad I could be of help! :-D I hope you're feeling better soon!

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  33. I hope you start feeling better soon! It sounds miserable. Don't worry, it definitely won't last. Just take plenty good care of yourself right now! :)

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  34. Maybe you need a lava rock?....

    Just like other challenges, you've got a lot of folks cheering you through this one. Difference is... instead of yelling "go", sounds like we need to switch to "stop."

    R&R for RR. Get better real soon.

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