If this were a race, she would win.

My little Bad Ass

David took these of Sky at the Kakaako Crit this summer. I was directing cars on a corner, not racing, because crits are scary and I can crash just fine on my own. But it seems Sky caught the competitive spirit.. all she needs now is a custom Splish kit.

The weekend at the beach was just what we needed. Thank you Steve for the house! We had visitors:Tim & Mariane came by on Thanksgiving (and are hopefully on their way to Phuket by now for the race) and Heather, Steve & Miles came out and stayed with us. They brought lots of beer and two stand up boards, making them our new BFFs. Ramsey and Steve ran together and played basketball while Heather and I took turns paddling, attempting to surf the un-waves, and watching the kids. We also had Angus, my sister's baby - that is not Gizmo on the chair with me. We didn't feed him after midnight. My six year old beat me at Gin - on his first attempt. We've long suspected he was smarter than me, and now it is proven.

I gave him his first beer to dumb him down.. and he beat me again.

As for that Turkey Trot - well, I screwed it up. I ran with my three screw-up friends. I put down 1:09 and went 1:11. Oh well. Wil took lots of video along the way, but so far I can only get audio. Movies to come..

Turkey, wasps and wallabies. Oh, and J.Lo.

Ramsey just suggested we move to Somalia and become pirates. Law school must be super fun this week. Henry's passport has expired, so we have some time to think on this.

We're about to pack it in and go ewa. I use the term go ewa all the time (it's said ev-uh, just in case you're a mainland haole as opposed to a resident haole like me) to tell people to head west. But I never actually go all the way to Ewa. But before I go I'll hit the Turkey Trot in the morning. It's a 10 mile chunk of the marathon course. You pay $3 and they give you a popsicle stick. You guess your time, write it on the stick, and then run with it. No watches, garmins, ipods etc allowed. When you cross the line they write your time on your stick and the closest guess wins. I think they get a turkey, but I wouldn't know. I consistently underestimate myself by at least 5 minutes. This year I'll shoot for 70 minutes. I think I know a 7 minute mile. Maybe I'll give myself too much credit.

I spent 4 hours on another base today. I don't get all that excited about hour meetings that run for four, especially those that don't provide food or water or alcohol or ritalin. There should have been ritalin in the water. What amazed me was the excessive wealth of the military. I was reminded of J Lo flying her eyebrow groomer around with her at all times because she can. I spent my afternoon trying to sleep with my eyes open while listening the military version of I might get an ingrown, so I need her here to pluck.

Even though I realize the election is over, I still love this campaign propaganda and must share:

In local news today, I found that Hawaii purposefully introduced a non-native species. It's a wasp that we hope will kill other wasps that are killing native wiliwili trees. Super. Hawaii has an excellent history with introductions, like that time they brought mongeese (mongooses?) in to eat all the rats in the sugar cane. Too bad the mongoose likes the sun and the rats are nocturnal. I wonder if a rat has ever even seen a mongoose? Some of our native birds are nearing extinction.. maybe we should bring in the brown tree snake from Guam to eat the rest! I learned something new in searching for other introductions to make fun of. There are wallabies on Oahu. Time to take the kids hiking in Kalihi!

What better week for gratituesday?

1. Cal kicking Stanford's coniferous butt at the big game. I don't actually know the score, but I know we won. Which is fitting, since I never actually went to a game, but big game day was always the best day.

2. My kids and their infinite goofiness. And their health, for which I'm grateful even on my blindest day.

3. Cake's version of Mahna Mahna. Cake's anything, really.

4. That tomorrow really = Friday.

5. Steve, for giving us a beach house out at Iroquois Point Island Club for the long weekend. It's a family vacation that doesn't require the metal death box!

6. All the people that have helped through the past few weeks, or cut me a break when I couldn't show up/work/party as originally planned.

7. Yogurtland. But my husband might be more thankful.

8. That as of yesterday, a year after we bought this place, there is a beautiful master bedroom where there was once only dirt. Bob didn't know what he was mumbling about.. it's all about marrying a house carpenter.

9. My right eye. It rolled in at 20/15 this week. The left could almost make out the big D at the top of the chart. I drive a silver volvo with a giant Andre the Giant face on the back window. Steer clear.

10. That Sky has the memory of a goldfish. She came home with a flyer for cheerleading. I hid it.

F10.

Here's what I learned in 40 hours of HAZWOPER: Don't lick the poison.

Also, don't ever, ever shoot the lid off of a container of hazardous waste with a firearm.

I am so much smarter now, I don't at all feel like I wasted a week of my life.

I ran with the Boca group this rainy Saturday morning. Last year I coached this clinic, but this year.. well, too many balls in the air. We ran the first 9 miles out to Hawaii Kai socially, chatting away. Raul instructed us to run back at goal marathon pace, and I was determined to hold onto Glenn and Dave, because peer pressure makes me faster. We waded back to Waikiki running 6:45s. It poured the whole time, and I never would have made it through 19 miles in that weather, let alone at that pace, alone.

I also received my marathon number today. I asked a new friend, who happens to be the RD, if I could have an entry, since it's really expensive at this point. And he sent me F10 and the list of elites and their PRs. There are 9 men, 10 women, and only one isn't from Kenya or Russia. Me. All of the PRs are 30+ min faster than my 3:04. But man, the elite start in front of 28,000 runners? The VIP tent for me and the family at the finish? I know I don't fit in, but how could I say no? Here I was thinking I would never get a number cooler than last year's.. and now I have: F10. Three weeks till race day!


There is new Neil coming. New old Neil. Thank you DJ Berner, for the head's up. For the fellow Neil junkies, you can hear it first on NPR.

Continuing Education

Don't tell my bike liberals are lazy! After two days of bike commuting, Clem is getting into the groove.. note the ancient Navy EIS on the bars, soy latte in cage, and longing glances out the window, undoubtedly wondering if everyone outside is having more fun.

The bus took 80 min. The bike takes 45. Sure, it's dark and I've been poured on both days, but it's efficient. I drafted off my former bus on Beretania, and was hit on by a mountain bike with slicks (whose hairy rider suavely mentioned how hard it was to determine on the dark deserted street who was hotter, me or my bike) which in turn led to my first bike interval in months.

I'm in the midst of my 40 hour HAZWOPER at work, and will spend the next 20 hours of it making up potential definitions for that funky acronym, which they have yet to define. I think I've got the HAZ down. Today was a meeting with the Army Air Field folks, for whom I'm writing an Environmental Assessment. In the hangar, I climbed into a UH-60 Blackhawk and was offered a ride. Hah! No sirree, unfashionable green&tan coverall-sporters, don't you know that at least 50% of those things end in crash? No doubt they all have great faith in my research abilities after whipping that stat out.

The power of the blog was demonstrated today in my first facebook message from hairy little brother number two: I arrive on Dec 16 and leave Jan 5th. He had better get off the plane dressed like a starfish or the kids are going to be pissed.

Found.

I said to my WWII stat-spouting son: You sound like Patrick. Henry replied: Who is Patrick? Sky answered: He's the starfish from Spongebob!

Apparently it's time for my brother Patrick to come for a visit. We haven't seen him in a couple of years. I didn't believe this was him when I found it, but as one of his friends commented on FB: Look at that hairy thing! Oh, and there's a goat!

I have a lot of little brothers. This particular one is working on a PhD at Georgetown. Something about old, dead stuff. The one getting a masters in booze is likely having more fun.

Today was a day of discoveries. I rediscovered the cumulative effect. If I run, run, and run, the runs just get better. After 18.75 miles yesterday, today's 9 miles with 6 x1000 was the best run I've had in ages. Maybe the best run ever, since I'm feeling superlative. I found that if I start at the bottom end of Portlock Road and run my time-guesstimated 1000 I finish at the gate of the house I grew up in.

And at lunchtime, I found this:

There's a YWCA 50 feet from my office, down an alleyway, facing Iolani Palace. I've lived 15 years in this city and never seen it. It's a Julia Morgan building with beautiful details. And a gym, pool, shower, locker, and Saturday ballet classes for Sky.. I found it all for $30/month. If it looks familiar, it's because it's the psych ward on Lost.

So The Bus and I are breaking up. With the 20 min walk to the stop, downhill in heels (both ways!) the 5:39 am express (I use that word lightly) was taking me 80 frigid minutes to get to town. I shivered while people who didn't brush their teeth fought to sit next to me. It's 15 miles each way, which is well under an hour on the bike, especially at 5:30 in the morning. It is time to ride my bike again. No more excuses. I'm really excited about riding my bike. REALLY. Super-duper totally excit.. bleh.


PS. I will shout it off the rooftops when I can see again, but until then, I'm done whining about it. Many of you nice people commented on my zen-like attitude. Was that reverse psychology? Because I don't think zen means muttering the f-word at my brain as much as I do. Or popping narcotics at work. I mean, it's almost like I'm sweeping the ants out of my path as I wa- wait, no, it's not at all. I'll say something about it when I have something good to say, I promise.

Mind over eye-blob.

The exciting thing about valium? It isn't that exciting. I didn't turn all happy-housewife and bake pies while my kids jumped off the balcony into the pool and threw rocks at the neighbor's pets. I just fell asleep. I am over not seeing. Not better, just over it. The pain kept me up most of the night, but it comes and goes. I can go a good 15 minutes without noticing the floaty thing in my eye now. I only thought about it twice on my run, both times during the 40' of tempo, when I was looking for an excuse to quit. I ran 15 miles and realized I'm facing another steep marathon build if I want to run Honolulu in December.. because 15 was hard.

My friend Kaui had a birthday party tonight. I never thought I would be raising my kids with the kids of my high school friends, but every couple there contained a classmate. And I loved it. I love raising my kids here where I grew up. Kaui's backyard view makes me feel like I'm back in Tahiti. The parties start like this:

And by dark, the grown-ups are beating the hula girl pinata and mini airplane-booze bottles are falling out. Hula girls as pinatas may not have been especially well thought-out. There were cries of "rip off her leg!" and "go for the head!" that may have not been appropriate for a younger child's birthday party. The mix of candy, whiskey bottles and condoms that came out of her beaten torso were only slightly more inappropriate than Kaui's mom busting some of the parents smoking contraband outside her bedroom window. When the hula girl exploded, Pat warned the kids that the pinata was full of chores to keep the condom questions at bay.

I had no talent for the talent show that preceded dessert. But Henry rocked it with armpit farts. My husband drank enough to motivate me to start driving again. It had been two weeks, but I've reached a point where I'm comfortable enough with my sight to get behind the wheel.

I alternate between my Things Fall Apart mindset and my normal it'll all work itself out self. Life is too hard sometimes, and this continues to be one of those times. But nothing lasts.

The thin line between quirky and crazy.

Well, the cocktail wasn't that fun. But I lost 6 pounds in two days, so if I were on the biggest loser instead of in the biggest migraine, I would have been super stoked. My blood pressure was so low while cocktailing that I had to squat down and put my head between my knees every time I tried to stand up, which looks funny when you're at work and you're wearing a dress. And no one knows you're on medication, you're just the quirky new girl.

The cocktail also didn't change anything. I woke up and tried to be positive, to tell myself I could see perfectly and it was all over.. ok, now it's all over.. ok, now! But it wasn't meant to be.

I checked in with the neuro today. She ordered me into the tube of death. Every time I go in there they play the Curious George soundtrack. Is Jack the official music of MRI? Or is it just because every time I go anywhere in this state they play Jack? I put a pillow over my eyes before they caged my head so that I couldn't accidentally open my eyes. Panic attack! Panic attack! Whew. 25 minutes later it was official: I didn't have a stroke.

Then I hit the needle shop. I seriously lose my shit when it comes to needles. It's not a pain thing, it's a gross thing. Metal things should not be in my veins! The nurses get all excited about my big nasty man-veins, then blow them out one by one while I hyperventilate. I am not above biting. I didn't have babies without drugs to experience the joy of birth. I had babies without drugs because drugs require needles. I spent 6h in the hospital while drugs were delayed because they thought I was dying. If your heart rate is under 40 at Kaiser, you need a pacemaker. My normal blood pressure of 98/40 was not making anyone happy either. They poured bags of saline into me, and my blood pressure still made the alarms go off. I felt fine. But now I kind of wonder what my bp was when I was falling over in my office - 40/11?

After my string of performances today at Kaiser they sent me home with valium. Apparently someone thinks I'm a little high strung. I actually feel better.. I am not 100%, but I've exhausted the medical treatment for fixing a prolonged migraine. The neuro has got nothing for me and the pain is gone, all that remains is funky vision. So now it's mine to get rid of, and I know my brain isn't about to explode or anything..

I started with 7 miles in 49 minutes. Turns out 11 days off is good for something! It was a nose-breather and the legs were ready to run. I'm pretty sure swimming and biking aren't good for migraines though.

Tomorrow Ramsey turns 109. For his birthday I gave him 7 hours in the hospital and good odds of picking up MRSA. Happy birthday, honey!

It's all my fault.

We caved. There is TV in our house for the first time in two years. I had to have it for election night. Even a one-eyed view of Barack is good Barack. But now there is all kinds of new stuff being said around here:

This is totally inappropriate for children my age - Henry (Keep in mind that when Henry speaks, he sounds like a New Yorker with a clothespin on his nose.)

NO TALKING DURING JON STEWART! -Ramsey

What is "kind-of a lesbian?" - Wyatt, who just doesn't get Grey's

The concensus on the migraine that won't go away is that it is all my fault. It seems the likely culprit is my brain. Not just the gross little veins, capilaries, retinas and other mush, but the part that takes on too much, then worries like mad. I didn't feel especially stressed out last week, but I was gearing up to start a new full time job, no longer had a car to commute with, I had lost my health insurance, the mortgage was my responsibility, I was coming off a long race and not getting much sleep. I was also eating crap, which while not at all unusual for me, is additional stress on the body. I did this to myself.

I still cannot see correctly, or drive a car, and in the past 5 days I have ingested fiorecet, toradol, maxalt, imitrex, advil, aleve, magnesium, relpax, aspirin and whatever was in the drip bags at the hospital. I especially like the fiorecet. Come back, my old anonymous commenter, this is your moment to shine! If you call me a doper again, I promise I won't call you an uninformed ass this time.

For now, I am trying my best to chill. And type with my eyes closed. I'm not going to Silverman. Which means no Dawn and Ira, no Amanda L, no marathon, no Memphis & Luke, no Courtenay, and no Madonna. I am so disappointed. To be honest, I am so, so scared that I will never see correctly again. This vision thing that comes with a migraine has always been my biggest fear. Strap a cage on my head and put in the rats, it's all very Orwell. This weekend will be spent quietly, alone, with plenty of time at the beach, relaxing my way back to healthy, telling myself that it will not last forever.

Yippee.

My three munchkins, this summer, peacing-out in front of our future president's Hyde Park house. :)

I still can't see. Hospital, Drs, drugs, chiropractor.. don't know what's next. I can't imagine not having it at this point; this is the migraine that refuses to go away. Half of everything on my left side is swirling, glowing, spinning and making me sick. Back to closing my eyes.. can't get into a neurologist until 11/18. I heart Kaiser. Thank you, everyone, for the emails, the well-wishes on the blog, the ideas, etc. I'm faking it at the job. It's not purty. I'll be back on when I can see the whole screen again..

Ick.

I can't see out of my left eye. Saturday morning, as I was finishing my hour ride, I got the aura of impending doom. A swirling blind spot in my left eye meant a migraine was coming. And I haven't had one in seven years.. since Wyatt was born. I always thought that the kid cured me of those god awful events that showed up every month or two, blinding me for a day and then leaving me achy for days.

Usually the poor vision lasts an hour, with swirling lights that make be puke, and awful visions of only half of my kids' faces as they ask me if I'm OK. But this one is different. It has been 36 hours. I've been drugged, have slept more than 18 hours, and finally admitted, IV'd up with anti-migraine drugs and saline, and when those didn't work, sent home with a referral to a neurologist. What a lovely freaking weekend. I still can't see. The pain is manageable. The inability to see is not. The fear I lived in when these were a part of my life was all-consuming. And apparently, it's not over.

My husband wasted a day he needed to spend studying sitting with me in the ER, keeping me from panicking about the gross thing in my vein. My friends watched my kids. My mom offered to help with COBRA - since my insurance ended on Friday, of course. Even though I feel like I have the worst luck ever right now, I know that I am lucky.

Tomorrow I start my new job. Good thing I was planning on taking the bus, because I can't drive. Looking at a computer screen stinks, but I am going to have to fake it. In a week I'm supposed to be running a marathon - one that I'm so excited about! What if I still can't see?

I had started a long post about next year and triathlon, and all this over-thinking I was doing about it. And then it all got put into perspective by my health. Who cares, really, what races I do, what plan I follow, what my dumb hair looks like.. I just want my vision back.

Just to prove that I haven't lost all sense of humor, here is a picture of Wyatt on Halloween. I adore him, but think it's important to note:

1. That he uses his clone trooper costume as a bib.
2. That he carries a lululemon shopper like he was born to do it.
3. The glow in the dark glasses.
4. That a kid who refuses to wear underwear + a too small white unitard = too much information.

Next up: 2009.

There have been a few ideas, and some suggestions from trusted sources, but try as I may, absolutely nada has been decided about 2009's race plan. Instead of yammering on about my kids, or my hair, or gay fortune cookies.. I'll tell you what I do know about the off season and next year.

1. I will continue to race as an amateur.

I get a little crap for this from friends. It's not sandbagging, it's life. I was just the 4th amateur at Kona, so it's not like I'm at all lacking competition. There are lots of amateur women out there who kick my butt. I will continue to prioritize the fam and my job (new one starts monday!) and I will continue to be limited by the expense of travel from my place in the middle of the sea. I am so totally an age-grouper!

2. I haven't signed up for a single race next year.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't considering Hawaii 70.3. It's close, it's fun.. and there are Kona slots, should I change my mind by June. I won't freeze my brain at Oceanside again. I would like to run Boston again, but I'd have to win the lotto to afford the trip. And there's no lotto here. I would like to race Alcatraz someday, and would like to go back to Chicago. But I don't want any of them enough to actually sign up. I missed nearly all the local races this year, and won't make that mistake again.

3. The off season is all mine. No schedule for a while.

4. I am considering making it all about the bike. In 2007, the races I won were won on the bike. I was breaking an hour for the 40k. Cycling wasn't always my weakness, so I just have to get it back. Last winter, I tackled what I hated: swimming. And now I swim a little better and no longer hate it. So maybe it needs to be done. I'll start tomorrow. Or the day after, whatever.

5. This has nothing to do with sports. But I got my first migraine in seven years today. A sure sign of too much chocolate and too much stress. Unfortunately, Imitrex no longer works. Even more unfortunately, a pack of Imitrex costs $277 to not work. It's been 14 hours since I've been able to see out of my left eye. My health insurance ended yesterday, and doesn't pick up again until 30 days into my new job. So if anyone knows a home-remedy for getting one's vision back, please post it! I can't see.